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Posts Tagged ‘Chris Andersen’

Birdman Will Keep Flying with the Miami Heat

July 10th, 2013 18 comments

The Bird is back!

Chris Anderson will receive a one-year minimum salary deal worth approximately $1.4 million from the Miami Heat, with a player option on a second year.

When the Heat originally signed Andersen last January, they were hoping for an extra body off the bench who could bring energy, rebounding and defense. The veteran forward/center gave them much more than that.

Andersen’s “Birdman” infectiousness helped energize the Heat during their franchise-record 27-game winning streak and throughout the playoffs. He has become known in South Florida for his shocking efficiency, wildly athletic dunks and reckless intensity. What he lacks in unpainted skin he more than makes up for with a floor-burn-inducing style of play and an arsenal of eccentricities that have won over fans across the region. The decibel level at home games soared when he checked his human-wrecking-ball act into the game.

Fans spiked their hair mohawk-style, fake-tattooed their bodies. The level of detail – from the neck tattoo to the earlobe stars to the headband to the sleevework – was, at times, jaw-dropping. They imitated his signature Birdman hand gesture by interlocking their thumbs and flapping their fingers whenever Andersen threw down one of his high-flying dunks. He averaged just five points and four rebounds on the year, in less than 15 minutes of playing time, but seeing that toothy grin after he crashed into the stands trying to save a ball he had no shot at saving was always worth the price of admission.

Fans showed their love. The Birdman returned the favor, accepting a reduced salary while he certainly could have commanded better deals elsewhere. He simply couldn’t bear to leave such a good situation in Miami.

“It feels like as soon as I got into the city, I had nothing but big support for me,” he said. “Everywhere I was going, they were rooting me on. To be able to come in here midseason and collaborate with these guys and play for such an extraordinary, talented team and play with some of the best all-time players, it’s amazing.”  Read more…

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Chris Andersen to Donate Knees to Greg Oden

July 3rd, 2013 No comments

Miami Heat free agent forward/center Chris “Birdman” Andersen has agreed to donate his knees to Greg Oden.

In what will be an unusual and complicated procedure, doctors will reportedly saw off both of Andersen’s knees from the bottom of the femur (thigh bone) to the top of the tibia (shin bone), do the same with Oden, and then make the swap.

When asked for comment, Andersen remained modest and humble. Rather than revealing his true motivation, he provided some levity to the situation by saying “I’m the Birdman. I’m colorful. I think it will be cool to have a pair of brown knee pads.”

Andersen was referring to the fact that in order to maintain continuity of the body’s most crucial joint, doctors will swap not only the underlying bones, ligaments and tendons but also the skin that covers them. The bones will be attached to their new bodies with high-grade, medical-quality superglue and the skin then sutured together.

In conjunction with the procedure, both Oden and Andersen will sign multi-year contracts with the Heat that will see them through the surgery and their rehabilitation.

The recovery time for each player is estimated to be approximately six to nine months.

Upon successful recovery, Oden is expected to be completely healthy for the first time in his NBA career. Despite his injury-riddled history, he will still be just 26 years old. Heat president Pat Riley is hoping that Oden will make it back for the last month or so of the upcoming regular season, and then become a major contributor for the 2014 NBA playoffs.  Read more…

Categories: Funny Stuff Tags: ,

Analyzing A Potential Miami Heat Offer to Chris Andersen

June 24th, 2013 3 comments

When the Miami Heat signed Chris “Birdman” Andersen in January, they were hoping for an extra body off the bench who could bring energy, rebounding and defense. Since joining the team, the veteran forward/center has given them much more than that.

Outside of LeBron James, Andersen was the Heat’s most important player on offense during various stretches of the regular and postseason. Andersen was the beneficiary of James’ creative passing, scoring mostly at the rim, mostly on dunks, adding vertical floor spacing to the Heat’s offense, drawing double and triple teams away from the perimeter, and forcing opposing defenses to pay the ultimate price for their help defense.

Outside of James, he was also the Heat’s most important player on defense at times. James has praised Birdman profusely in the past, comparing him to his former Cleveland Cavaliers teammate Anderson Varejao for his hustle and energy. He blocks shots, he’s versatile enough to check both frontcourt positions, and he rebounds the basketball.

The Heat repeated as champions because they have LeBron James. But they wouldn’t have been nearly as dominant as they were without the contributions of their many secondary players, guys who know their roles and do what they’re supposed to do. Birdman has shown that he can be as valuable to the team as anyone not named James, Wade or Bosh.

He was a wonderful addition for the Heat this past season. A perfect fit. The missing piece at a position of desperate need. But he’s also a soon-to-be 35-year-old, low-minute, high-energy reserve. How should the Heat value such a player? How much can they afford to pay?

Basic mathematics could provide the answers.  Read more…

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It’s Time for the Miami Heat to Pursue Andray Blatche

August 15th, 2012 No comments

Dwight Howard didn’t get traded to Miami. Greg Oden probably isn’t going to play in 2012-13. Mehmet Okur appears destined to return to his native Turkey. And the Heat passed up the chance to wait out Samuel Dalembert.

The Heat still needs a center.

In the future lottery-protected first round pick acquired from Philadelphia, the Heat has an asset with which to try to address the issue in trade. The problem is that it’s the Heat’s only significant trade asset. The team can’t offer a first round pick of its own until 2017 at the earliest. And its second round picks are just about worthless.

The biggest issue, however, is that any potential trade requires the Heat to trade away matching contracts. And the contracts of thirtysomethings Mike Miller, Udonis Haslem and Joel Anthony – the team’s most likely trade candidates, players the Heat should be overjoyed to move free of charge simply for tax purposes – are all toxic; each likely holding negative trade value. Any value the Philly pick would have to a trade partner would be more than offset by the toxic Heat contract it would be required to take on for salary matching purposes. Why, then, would any trade partner offer anything of value in return?

A trade simply isn’t very likely.

And that means that if small-ball doesn’t work, the Heat will find itself in a bind.

Haslem is not ideally suited to play alongside Chris Bosh on the front line. Anthony’s limited offensive repertoire and lack of rebounding prowess create as many problems as his presence on defense solves.

Chris “Birdman” Andersen would make a wonderful addition to the Heat rotation as a shot-blocker, two-way rebounder and finisher at the rim, but he likely can’t shoulder the load of starter’s minutes. He’s a tremendous injection of energy from off the bench, but he plays himself to the point of fatigue. He is best in short bursts.

It’s time for the Heat to get a little creative. It’s time to take a risk.

It’s time to consider Andray Blatche.  Read more…