About

July 13th, 2014

HeatHoops.com is website designed for Miami Heat basketball fans and fans of the NBA in general. It was started as a means to show the world exactly how the salary cap, luxury tax and all related figures are actually calculated, and has gradually expanded to all that it is today – a blog that is hardly ever updated, that nobody reads.

HeatHoops.com was founded in January 2010 and is owned and operated by me, Albert Random.

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About Your Author. His first name is Albert and, for the purposes of this blog, his last name is Random.

He is a 35-year-old former bulge bracket investment banker who spent the better part of a decade out in California making an absolute fortune specializing in large-scale mergers and acquisitions advisory to many of the world’s leading technology companies, only to move back home to Miami, piss it all away in the stock market, and fall into a deep state of depression.

In an attempt to break the cycle of seclusion that followed, he made a decision to re-enter civilization for only a day, by agreeing to take part in a Saturday afternoon boat ride with his cousins. This quite intelligent individual utilized his day of freedom to dive head first off the then-anchored boat into the Haulover Sandbar. The massive force of the resulting collision snapped his neck violently forward, causing a burst fracture to one and compression fractures to two other vertebrae in his cervical spine and sending a jolt to his spinal cord which left him strong-side paralyzed. Trying repeatedly to rise up out of the water only to fall back over due to an inability to control a leg is an odd (and terrifying) sensation, perhaps matched only by the inability to brace each fall with a lifeless arm.

It was about fifteen minutes later that he realized his paralysis would not be permanent (several bone shards were pressing against the cord but apparently still another millimeter or so away from transecting it). It was about three motionless days later that he had two beloved but now herniated intervertebral discs removed, several unstable vertebral bits retracted, and a bone graft, a titanium plate, and six titanium screws surgically implanted onto his spine. It was about six weeks later that his recovery was deemed to be a success – leaving only a small scar, some perhaps permanent but relatively minor intermittent numbness and tingling, and some massive unrepaired emotional trauma.

He has since become a recluse. He now struggles daily with a mild form of hypochondria, the searing pain of having lost his fortune, and the debilitating anxiety of how his injury and lack of funds will impact his future. He spends his days angry at the world, dividing his time between his bed and his computer.

He has done away with all manner of athletic activity, including past loves for golf, tennis, basketball, football and weightlifting. He instead burns energy and releases frustration by utilizing his dominant hand against concrete, a battle which can never be won, which has led to swelling, scarring, bruising, bleeding, and multiple fifth metacarpal fractures. He is, in a word, broken.

This sort of lifestyle lends itself to a great deal of spare time, during which he happened to come across, read through and understand the NBA Collective Bargaining Agreement, Operating Manual, Constitution and Bylaws. In an attempt to stave off boredom, he decided to start this blog and pass along any knowledge he has to you fine people. He also provides assistance wherever he can across the universe of NBA basketball, including, proudly, to the NBA itself and its teams.

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 If you want to get in touch with me, please feel free to email me at Albert@HeatHoops.com.

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