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Chris Andersen to Donate Knees to Greg Oden

Miami Heat free agent forward/center Chris “Birdman” Andersen has agreed to donate his knees to Greg Oden.

In what will be an unusual and complicated procedure, doctors will reportedly saw off both of Andersen’s knees from the bottom of the femur (thigh bone) to the top of the tibia (shin bone), do the same with Oden, and then make the swap.

When asked for comment, Andersen remained modest and humble. Rather than revealing his true motivation, he provided some levity to the situation by saying “I’m the Birdman. I’m colorful. I think it will be cool to have a pair of brown knee pads.”

Andersen was referring to the fact that in order to maintain continuity of the body’s most crucial joint, doctors will swap not only the underlying bones, ligaments and tendons but also the skin that covers them. The bones will be attached to their new bodies with high-grade, medical-quality superglue and the skin then sutured together.

In conjunction with the procedure, both Oden and Andersen will sign multi-year contracts with the Heat that will see them through the surgery and their rehabilitation.

The recovery time for each player is estimated to be approximately six to nine months.

Upon successful recovery, Oden is expected to be completely healthy for the first time in his NBA career. Despite his injury-riddled history, he will still be just 26 years old. Heat president Pat Riley is hoping that Oden will make it back for the last month or so of the upcoming regular season, and then become a major contributor for the 2014 NBA playoffs. 

Oden was not available for comment. However, when asked to elaborate, close friend Tom Hanks did say “He got new legs. Magic legs!”

While Mr. Random, who enjoys referring to himself in the third person, is playfully mocking the situation, it should be noted that he loves both Oden and Andersen, loves the idea of the Heat signing both, and loves the potential and complementary attributes that both bring to the Heat. It is his hope that Oden makes a full and complete recovery from his very-real injuries and goes on to have a brilliant NBA career (preferably with the Heat but, if not, anywhere he should choose to play).

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